I was looking back at wasted time. I wasn’t the one who chose to waste it. I never had a chance to use it wisely because I didn’t realize how much of it I would have to spend waiting for my dad. Hours of sitting after he promised to pick me up from my first job.
Satan didn’t waste it though. Oh the lies he would whisper so clearly. ”Is he coming?” “What if he doesn’t come?” “Why would he leave me waiting so long? Maybe it’s because I’m not worth so much.” “Maybe I’m stupid to think he would be excited to see me.”
Fast-forward 37 years. My 23 year old boss is telling me, “You know, if you’d come to work a little earlier, you’d have time to put your stuff in the fridge, get your apron on, and punch in on time.”
I felt frozen. This was a lifetime issue for me. I was very disappointed in myself and my regular line of justification wanted to come out: “That’s just my personality. I’m a creative and we tend to lose track of time.”
Instead, that week, I brought it before Jesus. He unraveled it for me in a conversation with a very close friend. She suggested I go early and spend the time creating. I thought that sounded like a waste of time, which surprised me. But even more surprising was when she said it would be a time to meet with Jesus, and I thought immediately “What if He doesn’t show up?”
My “good Christian” voice showed up and judged me for saying it, but that is what I truly believed deep down inside and never wanted to admit. So there it was. My little child inside, still waiting for dad, still wondering if she was worth it.
I gave her a hug. I spoke truth into her being and she drank it in deeply. God is not your dad. He will always come for you. You know when you seek Him, He always shows up! In fact, He never leaves you. He’s promised, and He always keeps His promises. You can be sure.
My first journal/sketchbook page created in the parking lot a half hour before work contains this scripture: “The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.” Joel 2:25 NLT
Not only has He healed my heart and brought me to forgiveness of my dad, but He is taking each of my moments of waiting in doubt, and turning them into precious times with Him speaking value over me, and overwhelming me with His love. He is redeeming the time I thought was wasted. It’s like He collected it like the tears in a bottle, and He is using it for my joy now with Him. How good can this God be?
I hope I never get over Him.